Praying Parents

Letters To My Daughter by Dear Dad

For over two decades I've enjoyed the most fantastic relationship with my little girl. Nothing but pure joy to Her mother and I, it was inconceivable when in a matter of weeks "what we had feared" came rushing upon us. While still close, our hearts break a dozen times a day over her abrupt change in behavior and lifestyle. Often engulfed in grief and fear, we continue to pray and trust that what sin means for evil God will turn to good.

After thousands of hours of relationship and training throughout my daughters lifetime, and many conversations concerning her recent decisions, I've found writing a helpful and hopeful release. The following represent the whole or parts of letters I written. Some I've sent, some not. All are from a heartbroken dad scanning the horizon for his daughter to come to her senses and come home...

Dear Daughter,

It’s been a couple of days since I wrote you my last letter. Mom told me about your conversation and that you’re upset we continue to remind you, though as gently as possible, that you’re making a terrible mistake. You’re hurt we so strongly disapprove of your decision to suddenly move out only to quickly move in with a man who’s separated or divorced with twin ten year old daughters. You feel our unacceptance is out of date, negative and narrow minded. Everyone else is fine with it and you’re warning us that if we continue hurting your feelings we’ll be seeing less of you than we already do.

Though we’ve always been far closer than most fathers and daughters, within the last year I see less and less you. Since you work full time, once you began staying out late with friends our time together shrank to a tenth of what it had been. It was work just to get you home long enough to watch our favorite show I’d recorded on the DVR. Time together became a tenth of that when you moved out. Now that you’ve moved in with this man it’s been reduced to a tenth of even this. In a handful of months our relationship’s been reduced to about a thousandth of what it had been for two decades.

Such separation is a normal part of life but normal doesn't mean painless. You've told me how you hate saying goodbye to your babies as they grow up and leave your preschool class. Now imagine they really were your babies and you'd ever have two. Imagine pouring yourself into them night and day for decades. Imagine they were as wonderful as you. Wouldn’t such a separation be a hard adjustment even under the best of circumstances? Now imagine the circumstances were anything but “the best.”

You and I haven’t spoken since you read my last letter. I understand that I made you cry. Again. You know it’s always hurt me to think of you sad. That’s why it pains me Honey to tell you that after five decades of experience as a man, pastor and your dad, I can assure you of three things:

First, mom and I long to see you happy. It’s why we’ve invested tens of thousands of hours of full time effort into providing for and protecting you. In twenty years of raising, loving and nurturing you we’ve never purposefully hurt you.

Second, for every tear we’ve made you cry we’ve shed hundreds.

Third, the longer you continue your present coarse the more tears there will be for all of us. The Bible warns, “the way of the sinner is hard.” It’s true, and not only for the individual(s) involved but for those who honestly love them.

At your age your whole life’s ahead of you. It’s such a big world filled with possibilities, new experiences and freedom. Our gradual release of you into it has been going on since your first cell phone, computer and HD TV. Then your first car, job and bank account. Later it was shopping, fancy restaurants and staying out with friends. Finally you moved out and then in, setting up house in the wrong way with the wrong person. Sooner or later you will see this path can only lead to a trail of tears for us all.

They say, “life happens.” But with life also comes loss. Like the gains we make, our losses have a way of defining us. Knowing this, good parents work hard to shield their children from what can be lifelong pain and regret over making big mistakes. Having been burnt themselves they warn that fire’s hot, hoping and praying their kids and even their grand kids wont get scared. Some call such parenting critical and judgmental. They claim honoring millennia of Christian standards is ignorant and prudish. Being “behind the times” such parents are labeled intolerant and even hateful. Actually the reverse is true. It always has been.

Today’s cultural war is hotter and more widespread than ever, turning good judgement on its head and traditional values upside down, backwards and inside out. As a result, unbridled and selfish freedom’s wounding people and trampling families everywhere. Wasn’t it you who a few months ago came home from working at the preschool thanking and hugging me for keeping our family together? Wasn’t it your heart that felt the present and future pain of so many of your kids who’s parents were divorcing before their children even entered elementary school?

I was proud of you. Proud of your love for the beautiful and innocence of children. Proud you recognized the bondage and shallowness of their parent’s selfishness. Proud of your minority stand for purity before and faithfulness after marriage. Proud you intended not to make the same mistakes. What happened to the daughter we were so proud of just a few months ago? We miss her with all our broken hearts.

Please tell he we're praying for her and give her a long Kiss and a Hug from me.
Love Dad



Should you be interesting in submitting your own letter for consideration please contact Paying Parents at Rob@PrayingParents.org by calling (559) 305-2229.