Letters To My Son by Dear Dad
Before my son was born I was just a teenager in a man's body afraid of shouldering the burdens of fatherhood. Yet within moments of the birth of my first child God granted me such a "gift of responsibility" that love carried me along for decades.
While raised with tens of thousands of kisses, tickles and hugs I began to loose my son's heart in his early teens. While in my home and life, even the many hours we shared didn't keep him drifting farther from me and deeper into the world's deceptions. Today we enjoy a cordial relationship that's sadly only a shadow of what we once had and could have again. Watching unto prayer I look for signs on the horizon of his return to son I raised and the responsible man I hope he'll someday be.
To My Son by Dear Dad
Dear Son,
Lately I’ve been writing your sister so I thought I drop you a line or two.
They say everyone has their own bio-rhythms. Along with other factors these help determine when a person is most creative and productive. For me this time is early morning before the demands and desires of the day take hold. In the peaceful moments before sunrise I find clarity and ideas come easily. This morning I was up around 4 a.m. thinking about our lunch the other day. Thanks for the Pita Pit sandwich, it was as huge as it was delicious. Mom says to ask you about their twilight specials.
I appreciated your answers to my question about how you thought I was doing. Clearly with personal, family and career disappointments, the challenges piling up over the last few years are piling up. I was impressed you had a pretty good read on me. Glad you’ve been paying attention.
As your dad I’ve been paying attention to your life as well. Since you became an adult I haven’t been the big influence I once was. From childhood you always had an independent streak. Even as a toddler you used to laugh and run away without ever looking back. I took it as a good sign that you were full of the love and trust neither your mother or I had enjoyed as growing up.
As you’ll find out when you become a dad, parents remember far more about their kids early years than their children do. What I remember is that we were unusually close. As an a business owner and paster my schedule was flexible allowing us to spend far more time together than the average father and son. We often took your friends along and I wouldn’t be surprised if spent more time with some of them their own dads.
Things began to change in your late teens. As you made your way into adulthood your inquisitive nature urged you to see for yourself what was out there. Eventually you blazed your own trail out into the big world. A talented musician, your fascination with listening to and performing heavy metal took you along a path I don’t share. Your desires in this and other areas have shaped the last five years of your life.
As you know your mom and I have always enjoyed your outgoing and friendly personality. “Dinner and a show” is what I called your fun, playful side that’s won friends and made you so popular. From your stories it sounds lime you’ve been their for your buddies and shown a commitment to develop many of your relationships.
As with your music, your passion for physical fitness is also apparent. In the best shape of your life you clearly possess the strength and discipline to eat right and exercise wisely. You’re looking pretty ripped these days. This was just the point of our conversation I woke up thinking about this morning. After having talked back and you expressed frustration over my lack of a “fun” hobby to lighten my mood, relieve stress and improve my health. It’s a good idea, one I’ve given many hours of thought to over the years.
As we discussed the ins and outs I explained that as a black belt in my younger days I thought as you do now. However, over the years I came to appreciate the truth of the scripture, “physical exercise profits little but spiritual exercise profits both in this life and the life to come.” Christianity’s been the dojo I’ve spent 70,000 hours working out in for three decades. Time that in some ways may seem waisted given so many setbacks over the years. A real possibility I’ve thought long and hard about.
And something we’ve discussed in various ways throughout the years. Some of which I was glad to hear you remember, like being thankful for what seem to us little things like the fantastic variety of foods we enjoy compared to the billions who’ve had little or nothing or had to work long and hard to grow and reap, raise and slaughter, pluck and cook simple foods over an open fire.
Thankfully, science and technology provide incredible advances we enjoy almost as much as we take them for granted. So much so that compared to half the world’s current population and tens of billions who came before us we live like kings!
Still, so many of the important even eternal issues remain a mystery. In a small way this includes our family’s situation. While deeply frustrated and disappointed, I still trust that “God is and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” As you know from your music and weight lifting it’s all about “diligence.” Hanging up on Bethany’s wall is one of the many quotes I’ve gathered for encouragement and inspiration. One of them is from Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the United States:
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” Calvin Coolidge 1872
While “omnipotent” may be a stretch you get the idea. Even in the physical world endurance is key. Endurance is twice as crucial when pursuing spiritual matters. Of course it helps to be right. Regarding the eternal admittedly we’re all guessing. Still Christianity provides an educated guesses for those who are honest about what the Bible says. In this case I’ve done my homework. Should you ever be interested I’ve left a trail of over a hundred articles and audios to “show my work.”
Ironically, one needn’t be particularly righteous to be right. If I am, I’ve found that honesty may be more important than perfection (and quite a bit easier). But being right often comes at a cost, just think of the millions of soldiers killed in just wars not to mention devoted to science, exploration, humanitarian efforts...
Here’s another good quote I found researching my story Eternity...The Wager. This one’s from the Navy’s Chief of Staff of the Pacific Fleet during World War II:
“God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.” Chester W. Nimitz
Interestingly I just used the word “hopeless” this week when encouraging my Christian counselor friend Phil Brewer who’s going through many trials of his own. I find the word “hopeless” a very accurate description of my endeavors. Unlike common thought, it doesn’t literally mean “no hope” but rather “less” than one might wish for.
Kind of along the lines of how you thought my life was going. As I explained, I’ve refined the answer to the question “How are you doing?” to “Not at good as I’d hoped but not as bad as I’d feared.” This ties into our discussion on physical vs spiritual exercise in a number of ways. One of the most important is that both scripture and human experience suggest each of us are created with a triune nature or “in the image of God” having spirits, souls and bodies:
“Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.” 1 Thes. 5:23
My guess is that this means we are principally spirits (eternal beings) possessing souls (personalities) living in bodies (for a nano second when compared to eternity). Notice the emphasis of spirits, souls and lastly bodies. This not only resonates with the rest of the Bible but common sense. Like what we talked about when kayaking in Monterey, a drop of sea water hardly compares to the whole ocean. In the same way, life’s short and eternity’s a long time. “...Especially near the end.” Woody Allen
Or as Jim Elliot said before being killed as a missionary to Ecuador 1n 1956:
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
The hitch is eternal things are often invisible and uncertain though by definition they last forever. Also, rewards and consequences may be delayed a for a lifetime. Still, their are many reasons to believe they deserve careful consideration and commitment. After one of our talks a few months ago I wrote you about the top ten of them. You can find them on my site God Blog in the Faith and Reason section or just click here.
This is probably enough for one letter. I hope this helps you remember our conversation and understand your dad a little better. Just like to see you get as ripped spiritually as your are physically. Maybe we could cross-train...
Love and Blessings, Dad
Should you be interesting in submitting your own letter for consideration please contact Paying Parents at Rob@PrayingParents.org by calling (559) 305-2229.