Praying Parents

Letters To My Daughter by Dear Dad

For over two decades I've enjoyed the most fantastic relationship with my little girl. Nothing but pure joy to Her mother and I, it was inconceivable when in a matter of weeks "what we had feared" came rushing upon us. While still close, our hearts break a dozen times a day over her abrupt change in behavior and lifestyle. Often engulfed in grief and fear, we continue to pray and trust that what sin means for evil God will turn to good.

After thousands of hours of relationship and training throughout my daughters lifetime, and many conversations concerning her recent decisions, I've found writing a helpful and hopeful release. The following represent the whole or parts of letters I written. Some I've sent, some not. All are from a heartbroken dad scanning the horizon for his daughter to come to her senses and come home...

Dear Daughter,

I often wake, for better or worse, with a song in my head. Today's was Billy Joel singing quietly at the piano "She's Got A Way About Her." Uninvited, there he was preforming, softly lit on a dark stage in my mind at 4:30 in the morning. His song, accompanied by memories of you, produced first a trickle and then puddle of tears.

I hid them from your mom as she finished getting ready for work. I didn't want another bout of weeping to keep her from going. She'll cry for you this morning anyway, if only inwardly, while doing her job baking bread and praying. Besides, you know we need the money.

Here are the words:

She’s Got A Way About Her

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere


She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere


She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around
She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'
She's got a light around her
And ev'rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere


She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me, I get turned around oh oh oh


She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her any way

Billy Joel

I was remembering everything about you, including a lifetime of your love for music, kitties and snuggles. For our family and for me. Remember how, everyday for a while, you used to leave notes for me to find in the morning? Usually it was when you wanted something. I still have them all. Just think of this as me returning the favor.

I always knew our family was a gift. That's why I took fifty hours of video and a hundred times as many pictures. It's one of the reasons I started buying you cameras. So we could picture you when you were away. Like Mary in the Gospel, I thought it wise to store the moments of our lives together as treasure, hoping to keep them safe from the passage of time. Now it feels as if it were all too little, too late.

Your mom and I have used our memories to strengthen us, as I hope they one day will again. We lived for family moments, which in turn helped us face the realities of life. Yet now with you gone they also haunt us. Without you, our house feels far less homey. On the up side, without used dished and towels left everywhere, we do have cleaner sinks and bathroom floors. Everything stays nice and neat. Hard to believe a clean house can make us cry.

Then there's your room. Where's the stand we set hundreds of your drinks on at night? Where's your pretty bed, pillows and comforter we snuggled in while reading "The Chronicles of Narnia?" That reminds me, I have to return your cable box. It seems the TV we watched your favorite shows on is gone, forever. We've no daughter to comfort when she's sick. No young lady to kiss awake and make breakfast for. No more quick chats before hurrying you, along with our hearts, out into the world.

It wasn't so bad when you came home every day. When we knew we would be whole for at least a little while every night. But that won't happen anymore. You've gone away. You've gone but your picture is here, everywhere. In a dozen frames. In every room. It’s ironic how so many things we’ve gathered to remind us of you, at least for the moment, serve as painful reminders you don't live here anymore. Like your mom or I could ever forget.

It'd be funny if it weren't so damn sad. I could harden my heart. I could stop the music and memories. But wouldn't that be worse? Wouldn't that be like sending you further away? Still, people do it all the time. There's so many diversions. Maybe I should just let it go. Someday I'll have too. Like it or not life goes on. But right now it'd be a lie. Know why? Because, you have a way about you...You always did. You drew us in. A beautiful child, like your older brother, yet much more delicate, sensitive and, to be honest, clingy. But since you were our last, we loved you for it.

Your brother we chased. You we carried. Everywhere and always, one way or another. We still are but right now you're awfully heavy honey. We did it then to keep our family safe and together. We even brought your friends along so we could enjoy them while spending time with you. But now you've left us for your friends. Some of which concern us. Particularly since we're apart, separated by miles and time, longing and concern. We hope you remember that for a hundred thousand hours we watched over you while enjoying as many kisses, tickles and hugs. A person gets used to that kind of thing.

Remember when we used to play "Where's are you?" You'd giggle as holding your by you ankles, I carried you around upside down over my back. You laughed quietly as I searched the house asking everyone if they'd seen Bethy? I remember you telling me once that you used to wonder how you'd ever get down. Guess you found a way. And now I'm the one wondering where you are and how to let you go.

I realize it might seem odd to you for us to worry and grieve. You're out meeting new friends and experiencing new things without mom and dad looking over your shoulder. Why wouldn't you be quick to trade childhood for adulthood? We all know that your mom and I did when we were years younger than you. But remember we paid a high price for it. That's why we worked hard to provide the kind of home we could only dream of. Reminds me of Cat Steven’s song, “Wild World” but that’s another note.

We know you have every right to go, we just wish you would've stayed a little longer. Or even forever. You've always been such a smart sensitive girl. Can you understand how we could feel blind and helpless, not really knowing where you are, who you're with or where you're going?

Maybe you can see how leaving so unexpectedly has left a gaping hole in us. It’s left our nest suddenly empty except for short visits and yesterday's memories. At times, even these seem almost too painful to bare. But what choice do we have? Our hours together have been reduced to seconds. Decades of our loving relationship have been shortened to sound bites and occasional text messages. Some of the ones from us going unanswered.

Right now it's small comfort that all this is may be normal. It doesn't feel normal to us. It doesn't seem to matter if you stayed longer than we might have expected or left too quickly. Not to Mr. Joel and not to me.

Baby, I can't speak for Billy but I can speak for your mom and I. We miss you so much and love you even more. Always have. Always will. Just wanted you to know.
Love Daddy.


Should you be interesting in submitting your own letter for consideration please contact Paying Parents at Rob@PrayingParents.org by calling (559) 305-2229.